expat

Pandemic Profe: Life as a Teacher in the Pandemic

I’m writing this from bed, exhausted from the combination of the gloomy weather and my first week back at work. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading Monday just a little. As most of you know, I’ve been teaching English abroad for three years now. The last two years I worked in the same school and taught the same students. So, naturally when the Comunidad de Madrid decided language assistants working in public schools could only stay for two years (at the end of my second year), I was a bit nervous. Now, that nervousness has multiplied ten times over.

Since the pandemic took over all our lives in March, I’ve been getting mixed messages. From my US generated media, it mostly seems like a fear-based blame game. This is direct departure from the Spanish ideology which is more like, “If we’re going down, we should have a good time doing it.” This has been a personal struggle for me. I felt and still feel caught in between the two. Both countries have handled things completely differently. We in Spain spent two months in our houses without the freedom to even go outside to walk. We enjoyed our summer. Everyone traveled around Spain to visit family or go to the beach. As a result of that, our numbers were rising and suddenly it’s time for la vuelta al cole (“back to school). Parents seem to agree that we can’t live in fear. Over the summer, I worked for a few different families which unanimously agreed that la vuelta al cole was necessary. Students need community and parents need to work. So, the schools opened.

I have now worked 4 full days as a profe (teacher) in the new normal. To be honest, it’s kind of horrible. Let me preface this summary by saying I love being a teacher, but I was not prepared for back to school after 6 months working from home. Some of this anxiety was due to the fact that I was in a new environment but most of it is due to the stress induced by trying to force schools open during a pandemic.

After my first day, I came home crying. I didn’t exactly feel welcomed in to the new school because the teacher’s were so preoccupied by trying to follow new protocol (social distancing, temperature checks, masks, etc.). The profession I love did not feel the same at all, and to top it all off, I have been placed in more a seemingly more risky environment than my peers. In Spain, students under 6 are not obligated to wear masks. So imagine my surprise (and horror) when I find out that I have not 1 but 6 different classes of students within that age range. As an English teacher, I move around to different classes. Normally, I wouldn’t mind, but during a pandemic it felt like a personal attack. The “Why me?” syndrome was kicking in. When bringing it up to someone in the school, they didn’t seem concerned. Their response was “Well, you can catch the virus anywhere.” The 7 months I have avoided the bars meant nothing, along with every other precaution I’ve taken in my personal life, suddenly felt meaningless. After that, I was wishing for everyone to be just a little more scared. My friends tried to reassure me that would be better the next day.

Day two was definitely better and I began reimagining what it means to be a teacher. In Spain, I have gotten used to the physical closeness that makes up such a large part of their culture. I felt uninspired and disconnected from my students by teaching that didn’t include physical displays of affection, encouragement, or at least proximity. The distance feels icy. Additionally, collaborative activities are basically impossible, which in current times seem to be the focal point of what constitutes “good” teaching.

As I write this, I’m staring down at a bruise on my arm, the remnants of a very nice Spanish nurse drawing my blood. On Wednesday, we were told that the next day we needed to report to an education center to have a mandatory Covid test done. They gave us a range of times that the test might be between and told us they would let us know tomorrow. Gotta love Spanish scheduling. So Thursday, after working, I had an appointment at 7 pm clear on the other end of Madrid. I was surprised by line, easily a few thousand people, and how swiftly it moved for there only being about 20 nurses drawing blood. I got my results back within 12 hours. Luckily, they were negative, although it doesn’t mean much after only working two days in the school.

Friday came and I felt really good about the classes I taught that day. I had a short day, so I came home to eat lunch. My phone buzzed and I saw I had some new messages from my coworkers. “Guys, they’re going to change everything again.” Class sizes have to be changed, which means: new student groupings, and using the gym as a classroom. My coworker said both our coordinator and the students were crying. In this moment, I stopped the self-pity party (only briefly). I realized how difficult this situation is not only for me but for everyone. I think in some way we can’t help being a little self-centered during these times. Everyone is overcome with the uncertainty and stress that comes with adapting to an unforeseen and never-before-seen global event.

If you think the story’s over there, it’s not. I turned on the news.

“Madrid confina a 850.000 habitantes en 37 zonas de 6 distritos y 8 municipios.”

(Madrid confines 850,000 habitants in 37 zones of 6 districts and 8 municipalities).

And yes, you guessed it! The neighborhood I work in is one of the confined neighborhoods! It doesn’t mean much since people can still travel for work and school. What it does mean is that I’m working in one of the neighborhoods with the highest case numbers in Madrid.

As for the rest of Madrid, publics parks are now closed and bars will close at 10pm. We can only meet in groups of up to 6 people, unless of course you are teaching! Then, you can have multiple groups of 20 students who aren’t wearing masks!

I don’t really have a resolution. I am so painfully aware that this entire post is me complaining about my life. I also just thought it would be interesting to hear about a teacher’s experience in a different country. Please know that this is my personal experience and that even the other English teachers in my school would have written a completely different reflection. I would also like to acknowledge that I am grateful to even have a job during this time especially in a field I love! It just feels extra challenging as a person living abroad as an “essential worker”. Hopefully, with time things will become easier to handle or at least I’ll be able to write that I’m very adaptable on my next resume.

Peace & Love,

Anna

3rd Annual Reflection Survey

This will be my 3rd annual introspective survey. Last year, it was about the lessons of my first year abroad. Now, I’ve completed my second year abroad in a completely different country. I’m excited to revisit my old answers and see what I’ve learned throughout the past year.

 1.Where are you right now? What are you doing?

2017: Currently, it’s 6:53 am. I am in San Diego sitting on the couch of the family I nanny for writing this blog post and drinking a venti iced coffee with soy milk.  I’m wearing a YMCA half zip sweatshirt, blue striped workout pants, two different socks, my hair in a bun, and zero make up.

2018: It’s 10:20 pm on a Sunday night. I’m in Changwon, South Korea. I’m looking for places to live in Madrid (where I move in 2.5 months). I am wearing a grey T-shirt and underwear and that’s it. Also, not sure why I felt the need to mention what I was wearing in the past because it is not part of the question.

2019: It’s 1:32 pm on a Friday afternoon. I’m in a cafe in Spain drinking iced coffee and dying from the sweltering heat, but more than happy to be back for my second year here.

2. What does a day in your life look like?

2017: Right now, a day in my life is waking up at 5:30 am, running out the door to make it to work by 6 am, sitting on the couch until the girls wake up at 8:30, and doing nanny duties (such as cooking and going to the swimming pool) until about 4pm. I usually sit and talk with their mom for about 30 minutes before driving home and throwing together a dinner (last night was PB&J). Then, I sit in my bed and watch Youtube until I fall asleep around 9:30 and do it all over again. On the weekend, I typically wake up around 7 am, make myself banana protein pancakes with peanut butter, go to my parents’s house, play with my dogs, watch my brother’s basketball game, and then go home and watch Youtube.

I watch a lot of Youtube.

2018: These days a normal day starts at 7:30 am. I get up and ready by 8:30. I usually grab a breakfast sandwich on my way to school. I start teaching at 9:10. I teach my kinder class until 2:30, then I teach elementary classes until 6:10 with some breaks in between. I get home by 6:40pm which gives me enough time to eat and relax before doing it all again. I still watch a lot of YouTube. I also started watching a lot of series on Netflix which I never did before.

(Currently obsessed with Orphan Black)

2019: A normal day (during the school year) starts at 7:30 am. I eat breakfast and head to the train station for my 35 minute commute to work. I stay working with my 4th and 5th graders until around 2pm. I come home for “lunch” at around 3 and a siesta before heading back out to do my private classes. Then, I have an evening walk home. Probably my favorite part of the day. Right now, I’m “funemployed” and on hunt for a summer job.

3. What is your relationships status? How do you feel about it?

2017: I am currently and newly single. At first it was easy, I was in Peru experiencing some of the most magnificent things of my life. Then, I came home to the apartment where we used to live together and it hurt. I very much still live in our space which I think is the hardest part. Some days the fog takes over and I start to forget why I ended things and essentially inflicted this horrifying pain on myself. Most days I am clear and feel good. Even when it hurts, I know I made the right decision for my life right now. I have been focusing on me and picking up old hobbies I used to work on before I got into a relationship. I am trying to focus on the present instead of past or future.

2018: I am so extremely single. I am still learning a lot about myself some of which needs to be figured out before I get into a relationship again. I am not actively dating or seeking any relationship but am open to what the universe has planned for me. It doesn’t feel like the right time because of my move to Spain. I never dated in Korea because I could always see the expiration date. My life seems very transitional at the moment which doesn’t seem conducive to a relationship. Of course there are times I miss the comfort of a relationship, but most days I am happy with my freedom.

2019: Still single (lol). The past year I have been more open to dating. I have gone on a few dates but find the cultural differences to be quite off-putting. I also find it odd to date in such a transitive stage of my life, but I am working on letting go of that. I am working on bettering myself so that when I do find the right person, I’m ready. Still enjoying being single.

4. Are you happy?

2017: Right now, I feel content. I have been feeling as if I’m living for the future which is to be expected because I’m moving across the world and can’t stop wondering what it will be like. I feel like I’ve been distracted and seeing this question has really caused me to think about it. I am grateful and blessed therefore in this moment I am happy. I think happiness fleeting; I am searching for joy and peace which I feel that I have.

2018: I am happy, but it is happiness I didn’t expect. It is the same happiness I felt before. I think I expected everything to be new, different, and full of joy but the truth is after living in another country for a year you become accustomed to your surroundings. Even though it’s only been a short time, you quickly remember that this is your life and just because you’re thousands of miles away doesn’t mean you’re on vacation. I experience so much joy every day spending time with my students who are truly my best friends in Korea. I am happy but it is a familiar feeling.

2019: Yes, I’m so happy. I am so grateful for the life I’ve built in Spain. Every time I walk through the city, I feel immensely grateful. My happiness stems from my gratitude. Of course, there are things that have happened that make me sad, but I have found joy in all the good which outweighs the bad.

5. What are your beliefs?

2017: The number one belief I hold right now is that everyone (the vast majority) of people are doing what they think is the right thing to do. What I mean by that is nobody is trying to hurt other people whether it be politically or personally everyone operates on their truths. Truth is subjective obviously. We create our truth and truths can change. It helps me to keep positive and respectful when dealing with others who may have differing truths from mine. Everyone is doing what they think is the best thing for their lives. The second belief I have, which goes hand and hand with the former, is the only thing we can control is our own feelings. We will never be able to control what happens to us or what others say or do. We can simply only control our reaction. It is a lifelong practice.

2018: I believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason. People bring us joy; they teach us lessons. Don’t force staying where you are. Force growth and challenges that will bring you rewarding people and opportunities.

2019: First of all, why did my belief from last year just smack me in the face? A year later and I still needed that. Now to answer the question…I believe that gratitude is the key to life, happiness, and self-acceptance. If you can live in a state of constant gratitude, bad things still happen, but you can learn from them and know that more good is coming.

6. What are you most proud of in your life?

2017: I am most proud of myself. Over the past few years, I have done so many difficult things and grown so much. I have lost over 60 pounds, completely changed my mindset to a more positive one, created so much opportunity for myself, done uncomfortable things, spread more love, surrounded myself with a more positive peer group, and I WALKED ON FIRE. I just could have never seen my life where it is now. I am proud that I am learning to embrace change and fear.

2018: I am proud of myself for persevering. I did a hard thing and I did it well. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and riding the waves of consequence that risk held for me. I saw many people who couldn’t do it and I’m happy that I did. I’m proud of myself for embracing and participating in a new culture, language, and lifestyle. I’m proud I didn’t quit when others did.

2019: I’m proud of myself for working hard to learn a skill. This past year I focused on learning Spanish. I read newspapers, books, took classes, and I have improved so much. I’ve also worked a lot on self-acceptance this year. I have a long ways to go but I’ve made big strides. I’m at peace with my body for the first time in a long time

7. How do you picture your life a year from now?

2017: A year from I picture myself writing this in my studio apartment maybe on the 17th floor of a tall building, in the middle of a bustling city. I will have almost completed one year in Korea as a new teacher.  I will probably be exhausted but be sad at the thought of leaving my kids. I picture myself with new friends from around the world and possibly a new relationship. I think I will have committed to another year abroad. If not, I think I will be applying for graduate school for linguistics probably not in San Diego, maybe a different country altogether.

2018: It’s so crazy to think how much in a year. Most of my predictions for this year were correct. I have so many new friends and am definitely dreading leaving my babies. By next year, I think I will have finished my new program in Spain. I think I will be applying for a Master’s program in Education/TEFL. It’s very possible that this could be abroad or an online program so I can travel.

2019: Currently enrolled in an online teaching certification program. Starting to think a psychic because my yearly predictions are getting pretty good. By next year, I think I will be studying for my teaching exams. In terms of location, I have no idea. I am going to get my EU passport this year which gives me more opportunity in Europe, but I can also see myself coming back to the states and settling somewhere with family in Colorado.

8. What advice would you give yourself one year ago?

2017: Trust your instincts EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO. EVEN WHEN IT’S THE SEEMINGLY HARDER CHOICE. You can fight so many things but not yourself. It is the most tiring battle. It will take more work to undo what you’ve done to yourself than doing what you are trying to avoid. Once it’s done you will feel peace, don’t delay that relief just to avoid pain. Trust yourself.

2018: Don’t hold on to the past. Don’t hold on to people who aren’t on your side. Embrace the newness and know what’s coming is so amazing. You will make friends with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. Whenever one door, closes another opens.

2019: It is impossible to avoid pain. You can try to avoid things like dating to keep yourself from getting hurt, but life has a funny way of sneaking it in anyways. So don’t be afraid and try everything. You’re going to get hurt anyway, and you might as well do it having fun.

9. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned in life to date?

2019: 1.That you have to work on yourself. If you don’t like something about yourself, you can change it.

2. If nothing ever changed, we would be just as unhappy.  In the past, I focused so much on trying to keep things the same because change scared me, but imagine if nothing ever changed. We would be so bored and probably more unhappy. It’s because happiness comes from growth, and growth comes with pain! They go hand in hand.

I just blew my own mind I think.

2018: I still standby my previous comments but would like to add something. The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that you can’t run away from your problems. I have met so many people who came here to escape things from back home (partially including myself). The truth is your life is your life no matter where you go and although changing your surroundings can be helpful, you can not escape anything (especially in this day and age with the technology that connects us).  Although it may nice to have a break from certain people and places, overall you either carry your problems with you or create new ones in your new home. The most important thing you can do is feel your feelings. Don’t ignore what you’re going through.

2019: Nothing lasts forever. Live in the present and fully enjoy each beautiful phase of your life. Be grateful. Mourn the changes but be open to new and equally amazing things.

10. What do you want to have achieved one year from now?

2017: In one year, I want to have stayed in Korea for one year. I know that seems repetitive and self-explanatory but what I really mean is: I don’t want to give up. I want to fight through the pain and the loneliness. In situations of fight or flight, I tend to be a flight-er. This time I want to be a fighter. I want to have seen many more countries, made new friends, successfully have taught my own class for the first time. I would also like to have kept up with this blog and really document my experiences!

2018: I hope by this time next year I am a high level Spanish speaker. My profesional goal for Spain is to increase my language abilities. Personally, I would like to continue coming out of my shell. In Korea, I definitely said “eff it” a lot and was able to let my guard down. I felt pretty confident in my skin but I would like to embrace myself even more. I would like to say yes to as many opportunities and experiences as I can. I hope I will have seen at least 5 more countries!

2019: I hope by next year I have completed my teaching program and found the correct next step for me whether in Spain or elsewhere. I hope I have gotten my German passport and continued increasing my Spanish level. I want to have a different but equally valuable experience. I would love to make it to the African continent by the end of next year.

 

11.Write the words you need to hear.

2017: Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today. Embrace uncertainty and change. Nothing will ever stay the same forever. Learn to roll with it. Take each day as it comes and be grateful for what it brings. Live one day at a time.

Que será, será!

2018: Everything will happen in it’s right time. Focus on now. Take it one day at a time. We can’t predict the future or change the past. Opportunities will reveal themselves in due time. Also, crying is okay and know that the reason you are struggling is because saying goodbye to people you love so fiercely is daunting but be glad you even had the opportunity to spread and receive that kind of love.

2019: Don’t apologize for who you truly are. Not everyone is going to love you but there are so many that do. Focus on those people.

 

Peace & Love,

Anna

36 Hours in Porto – Part 1

If you know me, you know my immeasurable love for Portugal. If you don’t know me, allow me to explain. Two and a half years ago I spent a month in Lisbon for a short-term study abroad experience. It was my first real experience being abroad and my first time away from home for such a long period of time. My time in Portugal taught me so much in such a short period. It opened my eyes to the world and showed me that I wanted to see as much of it as I could. I left from that trip a changed person. About a year after I returned, I booked a trip to Peru; 3 months after that, I moved to Korea.

Now that I’m living in Spain, I knew I had to return to Portugal as soon as I could, but I also wanted to see something I hadn’t seen before. So with a long weekend approaching, I booked a flight to Porto. I met some other girls in a Madrid Facebook group (who would be solo traveling as well ) and we planned a little weekend together.

As soon as I landed, I knew it was pastry time. Portugal is famous for Pastèis de Nata but I went for my favorite Pão de Deus. It’s a soft bread with coconut and sugar on top. During my trip I learned that it’s name (Bread of God) was given because it was the Portuguese nuns who originally made it. They gave it to the churchgoers in exchange for their donations. Anyways, I grabbed it at the first bakery I saw and headed for the first blue tile wall I saw to take this picture.

After devouring my bread, I started walking towards my hostel. I was confused since my maps kept leading me to the train station. I wasn’t in a hurry though so I stopped to see more of Portugal’s iconic blue tiles in what has to be one of the most beautiful train stations to exist. Eventually, I swallowed my pride and asked an information desk where in the world my hostel might be. To my surprise, it was actually in the train station. Later, I found out that the station used to be a convent. When the city tried to turn it into a train station, the only existing nun left at the convent refused to leave. She lived by herself in the massive building for 25 more years until she passed away and they were finally able to convert the building.

After settling in at the hostel, I met up with the girls I had met online for a Port wine tasting. (The tour group was called Porto Walkers and I totally recommend them if you’re ever there!) We went to three different houses on the Gaia side of the river. All Port houses are actually in Gaia, not in Porto, because when it was first being produced the Vatican was in control of Porto and had higher taxes for alcohol than the other side of the river. Port wine is very strong and has a high alcohol percentage due to the brandy that is mixed in. It has a much sweeter flavor than a normal wine, especially the reserve wines which ferment for many more years. I liked a few of the drinks but for the most part I don’t think Port will be my new go to drink. I’m glad I learned about it though as it seems to be intertwined with the city’s rich history.

After the tour, we went back to my friends hostel where I tried yet another Port drink, mixed with tonic water, which I liked much more. Then we went for dinner and walked around the streets just looking at all the Christmas lights which were beautiful.

After walking around, I was very tired and decided to go back to my hostel for the night. I knew my next day was going to be busy since we had a walking tour planned.

But, I’ll save that for the next post.

Peace & Love,

Anna

My First Week in Madrid

Time never slows down. Just over two weeks ago, I got on a plane and left from Korea to San Diego. Honestly, I was even more terrified leaving than I was upon my arrival the year before. I knew if leaving ended up being the wrong choice there was no way I could come back to Korea and be in the same position with my same students. It was truly one of the most heart breaking days of my life.

But, I got on the plane and went home for 5 short but fun days before starting this crazy expat journey all over again. Suddenly, I landed in a new city for the second time. For me, leaving home was 1000 times easier this time. Comparatively, moving to Spain seems a lot less difficult and so far it is.

Here’s a retelling of my first week:

So I step off the plane and head to the arrivals area where I’m supposed to see my ride, but I don’t. I looked up and down my terminal but couldn’t see anyone who looked like they were there for me. My plane landed late so at first I thought maybe they just left or knowing stereotypes of Spaniards maybe they hadn’t arrived yet. But after a complicated hour trying to connect to WiFi and contact the company it turned out to be all my fault as I had apparently told the company I would be in Terminal 2 not Terminal 1. Finally after about 2 hours, I found my ride and apologized profusely. I heard my first of many “No te preocupes (Don’t worry)” and he took me to my apartment.

I share my piso with 4 other people. Two are Spanish people from other parts of the country here for studying/ internships. One is a teacher from the states in a similar program to me. And 1 I’ve only ever said hola to and therefore am unsure of his nationality and reason for living here. It’s nice to have a big kitchen and a shower with walls around it (I will not miss the shower-attached-to-your-sink business from Korea). My room is basically a glorified walk-in-closet. It’s small but I don’t spend a ton of time in there anyway. I can’t complain because my apartment’s location is the true beauty of it. Just a 3 minute walk to one of the main train/metro stations and about 5 to Retiro Park. There are tons of shops, restaurants, museums and other beautiful buildings right outside my door.

Just one of many beautiful buildings in my neighborhood

On Monday, I started my crazy work schedule. It was great to have a few days off to just explore and feel at home here before the madness began. I have a daily commute to work which is not too bad. Since my location is very near to the train, heading to my school’s neighborhood takes about 30 minutes in total including walking time from the stations. We spent the week trying out classes from all grades before receiving our final schedules.

I’m happy to report I will be mostly in 5th grade this year. If you know me well, you know this is not the grade I would have asked for. Actually you can usually hear me talking about my strong aversion to this grade but I’m excited for the challenge. Nonetheless, I’m happy because I really like the Spanish-native English teacher of this class. She’s just a few years older than me and is also named Ana. I think we’re going to be a great team.

So far all the other staff I have met are sweet and I am mastering the Spanish two kiss greeting. We have a “snack” together every day at 12. Lunch here isn’t until 3 but the language assistants (me) leave at or before 2. Every day we have a spread of nice bread, meats, cheeses, coffee, and juice, which is lovely. I also don’t work on Fridays which is even lovely-er.

After that, I head home for an hour or two (depending on the day) before heading off again to my second commitment of the day which is a private tutoring job in the suburbs. It feels weird even calling it tutoring it’s mostly just playing in English. I have (two girls one 8 and one 6) who are completely opposite of each other in all ways including their English abilities. I really enjoy our time together and am glad to have met their family. They live in an apartment complex which feels like a small family. All the neighborhood kids already know me which has helped me pick up another tutoring job in the same complex.

Here’s a huge area full of trees inside the train station!

After I get home from that, it’s about 8:00 pm. This week I’ve been dead tired as soon as I walk in the door but I think a lot of that has to do with my lack of sleep and adjusting to a new schedule. I’m still getting the hang of the Spanish eating timetable but since I get home so late it makes it easier to eat dinner at that time.

I ended my workweek last night with a beer and some vegan sushi. I’m very excited for my first 3 day weekend here in Madrid. I even have a friend who I met in Korea coming to visit!

Hope you enjoyed!

Peace & Love,

Anna

What I’ve Learned About Living Abroad

Hello everyone! I thought I’d take the time to list out 5 of the most important things I learned about living abroad over the past year. Let’s get into it.

1. It can be exhausting (especially with communication barriers)

Let’s face it! Most people love the sound of a year abroad. It’s like a big vacation right!? Wrong. Have you ever spent an hour online trying to order pizza in a different language only to eventually give up? Have you ever purposely avoided going to the grocery store because you have a pimple and you know people will be staring at you simply because you’re a foreigner? Have you ever been caught in a torrential downpour without an umbrella when your bus is half an hour away? These are just some of the hardships I’ve faced living abroad specially somewhere where you can’t speak the language! Some days you just want to blend in, but you always stick out like a sore thumb: Nothing is easy and everything takes an extra layer of thought.

2. Traveling is real world education.

The school of life, ladies and gents! In conjunction with number one, having these experiences forces you to grow as a person. You are constantly growing and evolving. I remember how amazing it felt when I mastered the routine of going to the grocery store.

First, they are going to ask you if you want a bag. Next, they take your card. Lastly, you say the four numbers for your point card. Just four Korean numbers. You can do this Anna. Whew. Nailed it.

I saw a post recently that compared traveling to being in kindergarten again. “Your whole life becomes a series of interesting guesses.” Everything is scary and you have no idea what you’re doing, but once you figure it out you feel immense joy.

3. You can feel people’s energy without speaking the same language.

I learned this with many of the Korean teachers at my school. Most of them have a beginner’s level of English so our communication is minimal when we don’t have one of the bilingual teachers around to translate. There’s so many times I wish we could communicate more clearly because I just know we would be great friends. I feel like we already are. I have always seen myself as someone who can read others well, but I definitely think my senses are heightened after a year abroad.

4. It’s a transient lifestyle.

There is no getting comfortable in life abroad. There where a few times here where I thought I was (Little did I know the rug was about to be pulled out from under me). The first moment I can think of came 4 months after arriving where my co-teacher left the school. She was my best friend and I was horrified and devastated. Then a few months later, my best friend in Korea left and went back home to South Africa. All of the sudden, I was the longest working foreign teacher at my school. I had to be a leader and without my partner in crime. It’s hard to feel settled when things keep changing. As an expat, friends will come and go. As a teacher in a hagwon, workers will come and go. Nothing has any sense of permanence here.

5. Homes are where you make them.

That being said, your new country will become your home. And home will be home too. As an expat, you will spread your heart far and wide. This is the most beautiful and heart breaking part of the whole experience. Over the year, I have left parts of my heart in many places. Japan and Taiwan got small chunks of my heart as I solo-ventured and fell in love with them. South Africa got another piece of my heart with the friends I made that went home. The largest portion will stay in Korea and more specially with my students. I am struggling with saying goodbye because Korea truly does feel like home to me. I am so grateful to have met so many amazing people that make saying bye so difficult.

I hope you enjoyed and got some insight into my journey abroad.

Peace & Love,

Anna

Answering the Same Questions (One Year Later)

One year ago, I answered a list of questions to compare my life before and after living in Korea. Does moving to the other side of the world really change your life as much as you think it will? Just because you’re chasing a new opportunity, will you magically be happy all the time? These were my questions. Here are the results.

These questions were answered a few weeks ago. I have been formatting and editing this post since which is why some of the timing may not make sense for the present day/time.

1.Where are you right now? What are you doing?

Before: Currently, it’s 6:53 am. I am in San Diego sitting on the couch of the family I nanny for writing this blog post and drinking a venti iced coffee with soy milk.  I’m wearing a YMCA half zip sweatshirt, blue striped workout pants, two different socks, my hair in a bun, and zero make up.

Currently: It’s 10:20 pm on a Sunday night. I’m in Changwon, South Korea. I’m looking for places to live in Madrid (where I move in 2.5 months). I am wearing a grey T-shirt and underwear and that’s it. Also, not sure why I felt the need to mention what I was wearing in the past because it is not part of the question.

2. What does a day in your life look like?

Before: Right now, a day in my life is waking up at 5:30 am, running out the door to make it to work by 6 am, sitting on the couch until the girls wake up at 8:30, and doing nanny duties (such as cooking and going to the swimming pool) until about 4pm. I usually sit and talk with their mom for about 30 minutes before driving home and throwing together a dinner (last night was PB&J). Then, I sit in my bed and watch Youtube until I fall asleep around 9:30 and do it all over again. On the weekend, I typically wake up around 7 am, make myself banana protein pancakes with peanut butter, go to my parents’s house, play with my dogs, watch my brother’s basketball game, and then go home and watch Youtube.

I watch a lot of Youtube.

Currently: These days a normal day starts at 7:30 am. I get up and ready by 8:30. I usually grab a breakfast sandwich on my way to school. I start teaching at 9:10. I teach my kinder class until 2:30, then I teach elementary classes until 6:10 with some breaks in between. I get home by 6:40pm which gives me enough time to eat and relax before doing it all again. I still watch a lot of YouTube. I also started watching a lot of series on Netflix which I never did before.

(Currently obsessed with Orphan Black)

3. What is your relationships status? How do you feel about it?

Before: I am currently and newly single. At first it was easy, I was in Peru experiencing some of the most magnificent things of my life. Then, I came home to the apartment where we used to live together and it hurt. I very much still live in our space which I think is the hardest part. Some days the fog takes over and I start to forget why I ended things and essentially inflicted this horrifying pain on myself. Most days I am clear and feel good. Even when it hurts, I know I made the right decision for my life right now. I have been focusing on me and picking up old hobbies I used to work on before I got into a relationship. I am trying to focus on the present instead of past or future.

Currently: I am so extremely single. I am still learning a lot about myself some of which needs to be figured out before I get into a relationship again. I am not actively dating or seeking any relationship but am open to what the universe has planned for me. It doesn’t feel like the right time because of my move to Spain. I never dated in Korea because I could always see the expiration date. My life seems very transitional at the moment which doesn’t seem conducive to a relationship. Of course there are times I miss the comfort of a relationship, but most days I am happy with my freedom.

4. Are you happy?

 Before: Right now, I feel content. I have been feeling as if I’m living for the future which is to be expected because I’m moving across the world and can’t stop wondering what it will be like. I feel like I’ve been distracted and seeing this question has really caused me to think about it. I am grateful and blessed therefore in this moment I am happy. I think happiness fleeting; I am searching for joy and peace which I feel that I have.

Currently: I am happy, but it is happiness I didn’t expect. It is the same happiness I felt before. I think I expected everything to be new, different, and full of joy but the truth is after living in another country for a year you become accustomed to your surroundings. Even though it’s only been a short time, you quickly remember that this is your life and just because you’re thousands of miles away doesn’t mean you’re on vacation. I experience so much joy every day spending time with my students who are truly my best friends in Korea. I am happy but it is a familiar feeling.

5. What are your beliefs?

Before: The number one belief I hold right now is that everyone (the vast majority) of people are doing what they think is the right thing to do. What I mean by that is nobody is trying to hurt other people whether it be politically or personally everyone operates on their truths. Truth is subjective obviously. We create our truth and truths can change. It helps me to keep positive and respectful when dealing with others who may have differing truths from mine. Everyone is doing what they think is the best thing for their lives. The second belief I have, which goes hand and hand with the former, is the only thing we can control is our own feelings. We will never be able to control what happens to us or what others say or do. We can simply only control our reaction. It is a lifelong practice.

Currently: I believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason. People bring us joy; they teach us lessons. Don’t force staying where you are. Force growth and challenges that will bring you rewarding people are opportunities.

6. What are you most proud of in your life?

Before: I am most proud of myself. Over the past few years, I have done so many difficult things and grown so much. I have lost over 60 pounds, completely changed my mindset to a more positive one, created so much opportunity for myself, done uncomfortable things, spread more love, surrounded myself with a more positive peer group, and I WALKED ON FIRE. I just could have never seen my life where it is now. I am proud that I am learning to embrace change and fear.

Currently: I am proud of myself for persevering. I did a hard thing and I did it well. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and riding the waves of consequence that risk held for me. I saw many people who couldn’t do it and I’m happy that I did. I’m proud of myself for embracing and participating in a new culture, language, and lifestyle. I’m proud I didn’t quit when others did.

7. How do you picture your life a year from now?

Before: A year from I picture myself writing this in my studio apartment maybe on the 17th floor of a tall building, in the middle of a bustling city. I will have almost completed one year in Korea as a new teacher.  I will probably be exhausted but be sad at the thought of leaving my kids. I picture myself with new friends from around the world and possibly a new relationship. I think I will have committed to another year abroad. If not, I think I will be applying for graduate school for linguistics probably not in San Diego, maybe a different country altogether.

Currently: It’s so crazy to think how much in a year. Most of my predictions for this year were correct. I have so many new friends and am definitely dreading leaving my babies. By next year, I think I will have finished my new program in Spain. I think I will be applying for a Master’s program in Education/TEFL. It’s very possible that this could be abroad or an online program so I can travel.

8. What advice would you give yourself one year ago?

Before: Trust your instincts EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO. EVEN WHEN IT’S THE SEEMINGLY HARDER CHOICE. You can fight so many things but not yourself. It is the most tiring battle. It will take more work to undo what you’ve done to yourself than doing what you are trying to avoid. Once it’s done you will feel peace, don’t delay that relief just to avoid pain. Trust yourself.

Currently: Don’t hold on to the past. Don’t hold on to people who aren’t on your side. Embrace the newness and know what’s coming is so amazing. You will make friends with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. Whenever one door, closes another opens.

9. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned in life to date?

Before: 1.That you have to work on yourself. If you don’t like something about yourself, you can change it.

2. If nothing ever changed, we would be just as unhappy.  In the past, I focused so much on trying to keep things the same because change scared me, but imagine if nothing ever changed. We would be so bored and probably more unhappy. It’s because happiness comes from growth, and growth comes with pain! They go hand in hand.

I just blew my own mind I think.

Currently: I still standby my previous comments but would like to add something. The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that you can’t run away from your problems. I have met so many people who came here to escape things from back home (partially including myself). The truth is your life is your life no matter where you go and although changing your surroundings can be helpful, you can not escape anything (especially in this day and age with the technology that connects us).  Although it may nice to have a break from certain people and places, overall you either carry your problems with you or create new ones in your new home. The most important thing you can do is feel your feelings. Don’t ignore what you’re going through.

10. What do you want to have achieved one year from now?

Before: In one year, I want to have stayed in Korea for one year. I know that seems repetitive and self-explanatory but what I really mean is: I don’t want to give up. I want to fight through the pain and the loneliness. In situations of fight or flight, I tend to be a flight-er. This time I want to be a fighter. I want to have seen many more countries, made new friends, successfully have taught my own class for the first time. I would also like to have kept up with this blog and really document my experiences!

Currently: I hope by this time next year I am a high level Spanish speaker. My profesional goal for Spain is to increase my language abilities. Personally, I would like to continue coming out of my shell. In Korea, I definitely said “eff it” a lot and was able to let my guard down. I felt pretty confident in my skin but I would like to embrace myself even more. I would like to say yes to as many opportunities and experiences as I can. I hope I will have seen at least 5 more countries!

11.Write the words you need to hear.

Before: Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today. Embrace uncertainty and change. Nothing will ever stay the same forever. Learn to roll with it. Take each day as it comes and be grateful for what it brings. Live one day at a time.

Que sera, sera!

Currently: Everything will happen in it’s right time. Focus on now. Take it one day at a time. We can’t predict the future or change the past. Opportunities will reveal themselves in due time. Also, crying is okay and know that the reason you are struggling is because saying goodbye to people you love so fiercely is daunting but be glad you even had the opportunity to spread and receive that kind of love.

Excited to see where I will go.

Peace & Love,

Anna

Taipei Day 1

I ended my last post saying I was going to Taichung, but after seeing that there wasn’t much to do I switched my ticket to head on to Taipei. It ended up being a great choice because it was the last day during my time here without forecasted rain.

The train ride was quick and easy- taking just under an hour and fourty-five minutes from Kaohsiung. I stared out the window and watched endless rice paddies fly by.

After arriving I checked into my hostel which has to be the nicest one I’ve ever stayed in. I charged my phone a bit, then went for a walk through the 228 Peace Park. After walking around and stumbling upon a Taiwanese choir, I decided to go in the National Museum which was just in front of the park. It wasn’t anything too special but it was air conditioned so I call that a win!After waiting 15 minutes at the wrong bus stop I decided to take a taxi to a different historical area. When I got out, I realized I had left my tripod in the car. I got a bubble tea to ease my grumpiness and kept marching on. I stumbled upon the beautiful Langsung Temple . I walked through, but it was very crowded. I felt like an intruder among the many Buddhists there to pray and set out their offerings, so I exited quickly.

Next, I headed back to the main station near my hostel where they have an underground mall. Luckily, I found another tripod so my mood improved. I rested my feet for a few hours before heading to Elephant Mountain. It was still well over 90 degrees at 5 pm when I started this “hike”. I say “hike” in quotations because it’s literally just a never ending staircase of doom and death. I have never sweat so much in my life, but I did feel accomplished at the top. Also, I made a friend who gave me a cold beer which definitely improved the situation. You can clearly see the Taipei 101 which was the world’s tallest building (from 2004-2010) until the Burj Khalifa came along. Now, it’s the 10th tallest in the world!

After the grueling climb, I was starving and headed for my DVB (Daily Vegan Burger). This one was at a place called Miss Green which was a little more expensive but definitely worth it. The burger itself was bean based which was a contrast to the other two soy based burgers I had eaten previously.

After that I went back to my hostel, barely able to pick up my feet after the twenty-four thousand steps of the day. I think this calls for a foot massage.

Being Vegetarian in Korea

From an outside perspective, most people would probably think it’s easy to eat healthy in Korea. For me, it is unbelievably difficult. Of course, I added to the difficulty by swearing off meat, fish and all other creepy crawlers (including larva which Koreans love to eat). Being vegetarian in a country known globally for their excellent barbecue, although self-inflicted, is no easy feat. First of all, most Koreans have no concept of vegetarianism. If you live in Seoul or Busan, you might be more lucky, but here in Changwon and almost any other area it’s essentially unheard of. Let’s also not forget that virtually 0 people speak English in my town. Even when you’re lucky enough to find something translated into English, the translation is usually incorrect. ” Vegetable Sandwich” usually verifies there’s a vegetable in it but no promises for whatever else they decided to add in. For most Koreans, this doesn’t bother them. In all honesty, it’s probably more like a surprise present to them. Anyways, if you can find someone to actually communicate to that you don’t eat meat, you’re most likely going to be lucky enough to find fish, shrimp, or some kind of seafood in your food anyways. So, basically what I’m trying to say is I eat a lot of cheese pizza.

I think the root of my struggle is basically being spoiled rotten by coming from San Diego where vegan culture is huge and even if you’re not eating at a vegan restaurant there is usually a vegan section of the menu and a veggie burger option at every restaurant. Let me just say that I’ve had one veggie burger in the last nine months and it wasn’t even that good. Also, at home we have an abundance of  health food grocery stores. Here there is an extremely tiny and overpriced organic section in one of the 3 major grocery chains.

Oh, and we haven’t even talked about the import prices on fruit and vegetables. One small cauliflower or HALF of a watermelon for the equivalent of 5 U.S. dollars. I’ve even seen strawberries up to 15 dollars.

I will say though that despite the insane amount of alcohol, Koreans do manage to prioritize their health. An average school lunch for my kiddos includes rice, a soup of some sort (usually seaweed or miso), some sort of meat, a vegetable side dish, and of course kimchi. Koreans are also extremely active and love being outdoors. Almost every few blocks there are outdoor workout parks with various exercise machines. They are very big on herbal medicine and drink many different kinds of teas as natural remedies to their ailments although in my opinion I will say that they depend even more on anti-biotics than Americans (that’s for another time). The difference is that gluten-free, corn-free, soy-free, vegan etc. is just not a thing here. So at home where I’m used to being able to easily find “healthy junk food” no such thing exists here.

I’m done complaining now and to make up for it I want to leave you with something beneficial. If you’re coming to Korea and are vegetarian, here are some of my tips:

  1. Cook at home when possible. Although some produce is expensive you can find good prices on things like zucchini, eggplant, and onions.
  2. Get an IHerb account. Truly, I don’t know where I would be without IHerb. I use it to by essentials like quinoa, natural peanut butter, vitamins, brown rice etc.
  3. Understand that you will most likely eat accidental meat a few times and it’s okay to be flexible. There have definitely been a few times where I’ve bitten into something and got a different taste than I expected. ” Oh yay, surprise crab in my vegetable roll!” Although, I haven’t chewed any meat on purpose there will be times where it will happen on accident. Sometimes you have to go for the flexitarian approach. I have without a doubt consumed animal products in broths or flavorings. It’s just bound to happen.
  4. If you are really not flexible, try to live in or near a big city so you can have access to vegetarian/vegan restaurants.
  5. Lastly, you can find Korean foods that are easily customize-able and can be ordered without meat. My two favorites are kimbap (like Korean Sushi) or bibimbap ( a mixed rice and veggie bowl).

Hope this is helpful for any of you coming to Korea soon or anyone who wants an insight on how I have avoided eating world famous Korean fried chicken for 9 months.

Peace and Love,

Anna

What I’ve Learned About Relationships From Being Single for 1 Year

One year ago I completely destroyed my “perfect” little life. Really, I should say I took the first step, which was also the biggest and hardest one to take. The breakup.

Coming to the conclusion that I needed to break up with someone was the hardest part. It was almost a year of ignoring the little voice in my head that said, “Maybe this isn’t meant to be your forever.” Breaking up didn’t sound easy, fun, or sensible, so in my brain it wasn’t a possibility. The thoughts kept creeping up on me, in the shower, while driving, while in school. They became harder to ignore and I manifested them into a crippling anxiety that couldn’t be ignored. When my physical heart started hurting and I wasn’t sleeping, I knew it was time to at least consider it. I didn’t talk about it out loud. I kept it in and pushed it down. I couldn’t talk to my friends about it because once it came out of my mouth I knew I would have to face it. But being the over-sharer I am, one day it came out at dinner with a friend and then just a few short days letter it happened.

You may be asking why I’m sharing this when people that I wish wouldn’t will probably read it and it’s all so deeply and painfully personal. Well I have a few answers to that question:

  1. I think it could actually really help someone especially people who are like me and had no idea what a break up would actually be like
  2. Writing is my therapy
  3. Because as horrible as it was my break up was the best thing that ever happened to me

So without further ado I would like to share the 6 biggest lessons I’ve learned about love, relationships, and break ups in the last year.

1. Being in a relationship is not a solution to all of life’s problems.

Our world places a ridiculous amount of pressure on people to be in relationships. They paint this picture that nothing bad can happen to you once you find “the one”. The truth is life will try to knock you down whether you are single or not. Being in a relationship does not protect you from the cruelties of life, so staying in one when it’s not working is only going to cause more trouble.

2. Peace and mourning can co-exist

To quote the iconic adolescent novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower, “I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”

This was another huge lesson for me. I felt like if I was sad I couldn’t possibly be making the right choice. But I noticed that once I faced my fears, confronted my feelings, and just did it, I felt at peace. I also felt so incredibly sad. Healing is not linear and there are definitely still days where I feel sad and some nights where I randomly I cry. However, I am always positive this was the best decision for me because I also feel an overwhelming amount of peace. As soon as I confronted my feelings, my physical anxiety symptoms went away and were replaced by a calm vulnerability.

3. The right decision is often the harder one to make.

It shouldn’t be so hard to leave, but it also shouldn’t be so hard to stay. There’s a difference between working on what you can fix and staying after time has expired. Of course, staying together seems like the easier answer but the harder choice is almost always the better one. Personal growth is right outside your comfort zone and leaving my bubble and facing the hard truth opened the door to many amazing opportunities. Growing is painful but we can be truly happy unless we are progressing. Staying in a dying relationship because it feels better than confronting your feelings will only hurt you more in the end.

4. Trust Yourself.

You shouldn’t have to make a list of pros and cons to decide to stay or go. If your heart says it’s time, then it’s time. I so badly wanted to avoid pain that I literally disconnected myself from my heart even though it was telling me the truth all along. It caused much more damage in the long run and I’m still working to rebuild that connection with myself. Just listen to your gut.

5. You’re allowed to be sad even if you’re the “heartbreaker”.

This was a hard lesson for me to learn and I think it’s actually the reason I lost many friends during this time of my life. Since I was the one breaking up with someone, I really felt as if I had no place to be sad. This was what I “wanted” and so I had to be happy about it. If I was that heartbroken, why would we be breaking up in the first place? It lead me to try to act tougher and happier than I really was. Since in my relationship I had suppressed a lot of emotions, it only felt natural at this point to continue to do so. These shattering life moments don’t come with a rule book, although sometimes society makes it seem that way. If you’re sad, feel sad.

6. Just because it’s not wrong doesn’t mean it’s right!

This was definitely one of the biggest lessons for me and one that I’m still learning fully. It’s easy for friends and family to say, “But he was such a nice guy!” Of course then your brain agrees and decided you’ll never meet a “nice” guy again as if “nice” is the only thing a person needs to be to have a fulfilling relationship. You can have the perfect guy and still not be happy. If he’s not perfect for you, then it’s time to go. Don’t use every bad thing he doesn’t do as an excuse to stay.

You’re still probably wondering why l said my break up is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. So before I go, let me explain.

My breakup forced me to do something really difficult. Something I really wanted to avoid because of fear and pain. By breaking down that boundary and doing the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, I was set free. Nothing scared me anymore. If I could do that horrifying thing, I could do other scary things too. Things that I would bring me massive joy- like moving to Korea. If I hadn’t had the courage to break up with my ex, I’m not sure I would be here today. I wouldn’t have been in this stunning country. I wouldn’t have experienced the strong bond and immense love my students and I share. I wouldn’t have made the incredible friends I have. Friends that think smarter and more openly than anyone I have ever met. Girls who also took that risk and faced their fear. Women who are still helping me pick up the pieces today.

I am so blessed and grateful for all the changes that have occurred in my life over the last year. None of them could have happened, if I hadn’t taken the first steps.

This blog isn’t to tell you to break up- unless your heart is already telling you to do so. If this is the sign you need, take it. In all, I’m really telling you that if you do the impossible things, unbelievable things happen in return.

Love,

Anna

P.S. I feel like I have to add as a disclaimer that I by no means intend to make my ex look bad. He is a great person and I hope you can understand this is more about me and my self-discovery than it is about him.