I was just sitting on the couch thinking to myself about how much life has changed from a year ago. Then, I remembered it was time for the survey.
1.Where are you right now? What are you doing?
2017: Currently, it’s 6:53 am. I am in San Diego sitting on the couch of the family I nanny for writing this blog post and drinking a venti iced coffee with soy milk. I’m wearing a YMCA half zip sweatshirt, blue striped workout pants, two different socks, my hair in a bun, and zero make up.
2018: It’s 10:20 pm on a Sunday night. I’m in Changwon, South Korea. I’m looking for places to live in Madrid (where I move in 2.5 months). I am wearing a grey T-shirt and underwear and that’s it. Also, not sure why I felt the need to mention what I was wearing in the past because it is not part of the question.
2019: It’s 1:32 pm on a Friday afternoon. I’m in a cafe in Spain drinking iced coffee and dying from the sweltering heat, but more than happy to be back for my second year here.
2020: It’s 5:26 pm on a Friday. I’m cozy on the couch with a cup of coffee and a blanket. I’m in Zumaia, a quiet beachy town on the northern coast of Spain. I’ve been here three weeks now working as an aupair.
2. What does a day in your life look like?
2017: Right now, a day in my life is waking up at 5:30 am, running out the door to make it to work by 6 am, sitting on the couch until the girls wake up at 8:30, and doing nanny duties (such as cooking and going to the swimming pool) until about 4pm. I usually sit and talk with their mom for about 30 minutes before driving home and throwing together a dinner (last night was PB&J). Then, I sit in my bed and watch Youtube until I fall asleep around 9:30 and do it all over again. On the weekend, I typically wake up around 7 am, make myself banana protein pancakes with peanut butter, go to my parents’s house, play with my dogs, watch my brother’s basketball game, and then go home and watch Youtube.
I watch a lot of Youtube.
2018: These days a normal day starts at 7:30 am. I get up and ready by 8:30. I usually grab a breakfast sandwich on my way to school. I start teaching at 9:10. I teach my kinder class until 2:30, then I teach elementary classes until 6:10 with some breaks in between. I get home by 6:40pm which gives me enough time to eat and relax before doing it all again. I still watch a lot of YouTube. I also started watching a lot of series on Netflix which I never did before.
(Currently obsessed with Orphan Black)
2019: A normal day (during the school year) starts at 7:30 am. I eat breakfast and head to the train station for my 35 minute commute to work. I stay working with my 4th and 5th graders until around 2pm. I come home for “lunch” at around 3 and a siesta before heading back out to do my private classes. Then, I have an evening walk home. Probably my favorite part of the day. Right now, I’m “funemployed” and on hunt for a summer job.
2020: For the past few weeks, my life has revolved a lot around cooking, cleaning, and going to the beach. Since Covid-19 hit, the word “normal” doesn’t really exist. My schedule has been constantly changing since March.
3. What is your relationships status? How do you feel about it?
2017: I am currently and newly single. At first it was easy, I was in Peru experiencing some of the most magnificent things of my life. Then, I came home to the apartment where we used to live together and it hurt. I very much still live in our space which I think is the hardest part. Some days the fog takes over and I start to forget why I ended things and essentially inflicted this horrifying pain on myself. Most days I am clear and feel good. Even when it hurts, I know I made the right decision for my life right now. I have been focusing on me and picking up old hobbies I used to work on before I got into a relationship. I am trying to focus on the present instead of past or future.
2018: I am so extremely single. I am still learning a lot about myself some of which needs to be figured out before I get into a relationship again. I am not actively dating or seeking any relationship but am open to what the universe has planned for me. It doesn’t feel like the right time because of my move to Spain. I never dated in Korea because I could always see the expiration date. My life seems very transitional at the moment which doesn’t seem conducive to a relationship. Of course there are times I miss the comfort of a relationship, but most days I am happy with my freedom.
2019: Still single (lol). The past year I have been more open to dating. I have gone on a few dates but find the cultural differences to be quite off-putting. I also find it odd to date in such a transitive stage of my life, but I am working on letting go of that. I am working on bettering myself so that when I do find the right person, I’m ready. Still enjoying being single.
2020: Still single! Last year, I went on a few first dates and one second date. This year, I found someone who kept my interest a little longer. I also found out dating can actually be fun (especially when a cute boy makes you tiramisu or you ride through Madrid on a motorcycle at night). I’ve been learning a lot about myself in the process but still have a lot of learning (and unlearning) to do.
4. Are you happy?
2017: Right now, I feel content. I have been feeling as if I’m living for the future which is to be expected because I’m moving across the world and can’t stop wondering what it will be like. I feel like I’ve been distracted and seeing this question has really caused me to think about it. I am grateful and blessed therefore in this moment I am happy. I think happiness fleeting; I am searching for joy and peace which I feel that I have.
2018: I am happy, but it is happiness I didn’t expect. It is the same happiness I felt before. I think I expected everything to be new, different, and full of joy but the truth is after living in another country for a year you become accustomed to your surroundings. Even though it’s only been a short time, you quickly remember that this is your life and just because you’re thousands of miles away doesn’t mean you’re on vacation. I experience so much joy every day spending time with my students who are truly my best friends in Korea. I am happy but it is a familiar feeling.
2019: Yes, I’m so happy. I am so grateful for the life I’ve built in Spain. Every time I walk through the city, I feel immensely grateful. My happiness stems from my gratitude. Of course, there are things that have happened that make me sad, but I have found joy in all the good which outweighs the bad.
2020: Before writing my new answer, I have to say that I am really surprised by my answer from last year. At that time, I was in one of the darkest places I’ve ever been. I couldn’t sleep and some days my body would physically hurt. I would have paid a million dollars to shut my brain off for just five minutes. I’m glad I was still able to see the light. I’m grateful to the friends who helped me out of that time. I’m also grateful for the gift of time that allows me to see everything happened for a reason. I thought this year was doomed after 3 months trapped in my closet of a bedroom, but things have been looking up. I’m lucky, grateful, and still happy.
5. What are your beliefs?
2017: The number one belief I hold right now is that everyone (the vast majority) of people are doing what they think is the right thing to do. What I mean by that is nobody is trying to hurt other people whether it be politically or personally everyone operates on their truths. Truth is subjective obviously. We create our truth and truths can change. It helps me to keep positive and respectful when dealing with others who may have differing truths from mine. Everyone is doing what they think is the best thing for their lives. The second belief I have, which goes hand and hand with the former, is the only thing we can control is our own feelings. We will never be able to control what happens to us or what others say or do. We can simply only control our reaction. It is a lifelong practice.
2018: I believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason. People bring us joy; they teach us lessons. Don’t force staying where you are. Force growth and challenges that will bring you rewarding people and opportunities.
2019: First of all, why did my belief from last year just smack me in the face? A year later and I still needed that. Now to answer the question…I believe that gratitude is the key to life, happiness, and self-acceptance. If you can live in a state of constant gratitude, bad things still happen, but you can learn from them and know that more good is coming.
2020: I believe that if you’re not learning, you’re dying. I believe that we should challenge our own beliefs. During the last few weeks, some of my beliefs around love and parenthood have been tested. I’m glad they have. Not all beliefs are beneficial. It’s good to take a look at the ones that are harming us and work to change the narrative.
6. What are you most proud of in your life?
2017: I am most proud of myself. Over the past few years, I have done so many difficult things and grown so much. I have lost over 60 pounds, completely changed my mindset to a more positive one, created so much opportunity for myself, done uncomfortable things, spread more love, surrounded myself with a more positive peer group, and I WALKED ON FIRE. I just could have never seen my life where it is now. I am proud that I am learning to embrace change and fear.
2018: I am proud of myself for persevering. I did a hard thing and I did it well. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and riding the waves of consequence that risk held for me. I saw many people who couldn’t do it and I’m happy that I did. I’m proud of myself for embracing and participating in a new culture, language, and lifestyle. I’m proud I didn’t quit when others did.
2019: I’m proud of myself for working hard to learn a skill. This past year I focused on learning Spanish. I read newspapers, books, took classes, and I have improved so much. I’ve also worked a lot on self-acceptance this year. I have a long ways to go but I’ve made big strides. I’m at peace with my body for the first time in a long time
2020: This year I’m proud of myself for surviving. Since August of last year, I have fought so many internal battles. I made myself extremely busy to avoid being alone with the thoughts in my head. In short, I was trying to avoid me. Flash-forward to being inside for almost 2 months without even being able to walk outside. It was like holding a mirror to myself, not just any mirror, one of those make up mirrors that show you your pores up close. It forced me to slow down and ask myself questions and this time there was no escaping the answers. The past year has not been easy, but I’m proud of my growth!
7. How do you picture your life a year from now?
2017: A year from I picture myself writing this in my studio apartment maybe on the 17th floor of a tall building, in the middle of a bustling city. I will have almost completed one year in Korea as a new teacher. I will probably be exhausted but be sad at the thought of leaving my kids. I picture myself with new friends from around the world and possibly a new relationship. I think I will have committed to another year abroad. If not, I think I will be applying for graduate school for linguistics probably not in San Diego, maybe a different country altogether.
2018: It’s so crazy to think how much in a year. Most of my predictions for this year were correct. I have so many new friends and am definitely dreading leaving my babies. By next year, I think I will have finished my new program in Spain. I think I will be applying for a Master’s program in Education/TEFL. It’s very possible that this could be abroad or an online program so I can travel.
2019: Currently enrolled in an online teaching certification program. Starting to think a psychic because my yearly predictions are getting pretty good. By next year, I think I will be studying for my teaching exams. In terms of location, I have no idea. I am going to get my EU passport this year which gives me more opportunity in Europe, but I can also see myself coming back to the states and settling somewhere with family in Colorado.
2020: This will be my third year in Madrid and although I love it, I think I’ve got just one more year left in me. I’d love to see a new city in Spain, but at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if I stay either. I kind of hope I don’t.
8. What advice would you give yourself one year ago?
2017: Trust your instincts EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO. EVEN WHEN IT’S THE SEEMINGLY HARDER CHOICE. You can fight so many things but not yourself. It is the most tiring battle. It will take more work to undo what you’ve done to yourself than doing what you are trying to avoid. Once it’s done you will feel peace, don’t delay that relief just to avoid pain. Trust yourself.
2018: Don’t hold on to the past. Don’t hold on to people who aren’t on your side. Embrace the newness and know what’s coming is so amazing. You will make friends with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. Whenever one door, closes another opens.
2019: It is impossible to avoid pain. You can try to avoid things like dating to keep yourself from getting hurt, but life has a funny way of sneaking it in anyways. So don’t be afraid and try everything. You’re going to get hurt anyway, and you might as well do it having fun.
2020:
1. Don’t force things. Focus on the people who want to stay. Focus on the people that find you easy to love, or are at least up for the challenge of loving you. Be okay with knowing not everyone is going to like you. If everyone loves you, it’s probably because you’re abandoning yourself, which, to be honest, you are. Examine that.
2. You can not force someone to understand your pain. You’ll make a fool of yourself trying to make it happen. You won’t always get the explanation you think you deserve. Love yourself enough to stop fighting an invisible fight.
9. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned in life to date?
2019: 1.That you have to work on yourself. If you don’t like something about yourself, you can change it.
2. If nothing ever changed, we would be just as unhappy. In the past, I focused so much on trying to keep things the same because change scared me, but imagine if nothing ever changed. We would be so bored and probably more unhappy. It’s because happiness comes from growth, and growth comes with pain! They go hand in hand.
I just blew my own mind I think.
2018: I still standby my previous comments but would like to add something. The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that you can’t run away from your problems. I have met so many people who came here to escape things from back home (partially including myself). The truth is your life is your life no matter where you go and although changing your surroundings can be helpful, you can not escape anything (especially in this day and age with the technology that connects us). Although it may nice to have a break from certain people and places, overall you either carry your problems with you or create new ones in your new home. The most important thing you can do is feel your feelings. Don’t ignore what you’re going through.
2019: Nothing lasts forever. Live in the present and fully enjoy each beautiful phase of your life. Be grateful. Mourn the changes but be open to new and equally amazing things.
2020: Things don’t always work out the way you want them to, and it’s probably for the best. Time will show you her reasons.
10. What do you want to have achieved one year from now?
2017: In one year, I want to have stayed in Korea for one year. I know that seems repetitive and self-explanatory but what I really mean is: I don’t want to give up. I want to fight through the pain and the loneliness. In situations of fight or flight, I tend to be a flight-er. This time I want to be a fighter. I want to have seen many more countries, made new friends, successfully have taught my own class for the first time. I would also like to have kept up with this blog and really document my experiences!
2018: I hope by this time next year I am a high level Spanish speaker. My profesional goal for Spain is to increase my language abilities. Personally, I would like to continue coming out of my shell. In Korea, I definitely said “eff it” a lot and was able to let my guard down. I felt pretty confident in my skin but I would like to embrace myself even more. I would like to say yes to as many opportunities and experiences as I can. I hope I will have seen at least 5 more countries!
2019: I hope by next year I have completed my teaching program and found the correct next step for me whether in Spain or elsewhere. I hope I have gotten my German passport and continued increasing my Spanish level. I want to have a different but equally valuable experience. I would love to make it to the African continent by the end of next year.
2020: I’m happy to say that I finished my program and got my passport. My Spanish has definitely improved, but I did not make it to Africa. (Thank you, COVID!)
Next year, I want to have my own classroom and have finished my exams!
11.Write the words you need to hear.
2017: Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today. Embrace uncertainty and change. Nothing will ever stay the same forever. Learn to roll with it. Take each day as it comes and be grateful for what it brings. Live one day at a time.
Que será, será!
2018: Everything will happen in it’s right time. Focus on now. Take it one day at a time. We can’t predict the future or change the past. Opportunities will reveal themselves in due time. Also, crying is okay and know that the reason you are struggling is because saying goodbye to people you love so fiercely is daunting but be glad you even had the opportunity to spread and receive that kind of love.
2019: Don’t apologize for who you truly are. Not everyone is going to love you but there are so many that do. Focus on those people.
2020: It’s okay for you to adjust your timeline. There’s a pandemic happening.
Until next year,
Anna
- Anna Goes Adventuring - 