I’m writing this from bed, exhausted from the combination of the gloomy weather and my first week back at work. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading Monday just a little. As most of you know, I’ve been teaching English abroad for three years now. The last two years I worked in the same school and taught the same students. So, naturally when the Comunidad de Madrid decided language assistants working in public schools could only stay for two years (at the end of my second year), I was a bit nervous. Now, that nervousness has multiplied ten times over.
Since the pandemic took over all our lives in March, I’ve been getting mixed messages. From my US generated media, it mostly seems like a fear-based blame game. This is direct departure from the Spanish ideology which is more like, “If we’re going down, we should have a good time doing it.” This has been a personal struggle for me. I felt and still feel caught in between the two. Both countries have handled things completely differently. We in Spain spent two months in our houses without the freedom to even go outside to walk. We enjoyed our summer. Everyone traveled around Spain to visit family or go to the beach. As a result of that, our numbers were rising and suddenly it’s time for la vuelta al cole (“back to school). Parents seem to agree that we can’t live in fear. Over the summer, I worked for a few different families which unanimously agreed that la vuelta al cole was necessary. Students need community and parents need to work. So, the schools opened.
I have now worked 4 full days as a profe (teacher) in the new normal. To be honest, it’s kind of horrible. Let me preface this summary by saying I love being a teacher, but I was not prepared for back to school after 6 months working from home. Some of this anxiety was due to the fact that I was in a new environment but most of it is due to the stress induced by trying to force schools open during a pandemic.
After my first day, I came home crying. I didn’t exactly feel welcomed in to the new school because the teacher’s were so preoccupied by trying to follow new protocol (social distancing, temperature checks, masks, etc.). The profession I love did not feel the same at all, and to top it all off, I have been placed in more a seemingly more risky environment than my peers. In Spain, students under 6 are not obligated to wear masks. So imagine my surprise (and horror) when I find out that I have not 1 but 6 different classes of students within that age range. As an English teacher, I move around to different classes. Normally, I wouldn’t mind, but during a pandemic it felt like a personal attack. The “Why me?” syndrome was kicking in. When bringing it up to someone in the school, they didn’t seem concerned. Their response was “Well, you can catch the virus anywhere.” The 7 months I have avoided the bars meant nothing, along with every other precaution I’ve taken in my personal life, suddenly felt meaningless. After that, I was wishing for everyone to be just a little more scared. My friends tried to reassure me that would be better the next day.
Day two was definitely better and I began reimagining what it means to be a teacher. In Spain, I have gotten used to the physical closeness that makes up such a large part of their culture. I felt uninspired and disconnected from my students by teaching that didn’t include physical displays of affection, encouragement, or at least proximity. The distance feels icy. Additionally, collaborative activities are basically impossible, which in current times seem to be the focal point of what constitutes “good” teaching.
As I write this, I’m staring down at a bruise on my arm, the remnants of a very nice Spanish nurse drawing my blood. On Wednesday, we were told that the next day we needed to report to an education center to have a mandatory Covid test done. They gave us a range of times that the test might be between and told us they would let us know tomorrow. Gotta love Spanish scheduling. So Thursday, after working, I had an appointment at 7 pm clear on the other end of Madrid. I was surprised by line, easily a few thousand people, and how swiftly it moved for there only being about 20 nurses drawing blood. I got my results back within 12 hours. Luckily, they were negative, although it doesn’t mean much after only working two days in the school.
Friday came and I felt really good about the classes I taught that day. I had a short day, so I came home to eat lunch. My phone buzzed and I saw I had some new messages from my coworkers. “Guys, they’re going to change everything again.” Class sizes have to be changed, which means: new student groupings, and using the gym as a classroom. My coworker said both our coordinator and the students were crying. In this moment, I stopped the self-pity party (only briefly). I realized how difficult this situation is not only for me but for everyone. I think in some way we can’t help being a little self-centered during these times. Everyone is overcome with the uncertainty and stress that comes with adapting to an unforeseen and never-before-seen global event.
If you think the story’s over there, it’s not. I turned on the news.
“Madrid confina a 850.000 habitantes en 37 zonas de 6 distritos y 8 municipios.”
(Madrid confines 850,000 habitants in 37 zones of 6 districts and 8 municipalities).
And yes, you guessed it! The neighborhood I work in is one of the confined neighborhoods! It doesn’t mean much since people can still travel for work and school. What it does mean is that I’m working in one of the neighborhoods with the highest case numbers in Madrid.
As for the rest of Madrid, publics parks are now closed and bars will close at 10pm. We can only meet in groups of up to 6 people, unless of course you are teaching! Then, you can have multiple groups of 20 students who aren’t wearing masks!
I don’t really have a resolution. I am so painfully aware that this entire post is me complaining about my life. I also just thought it would be interesting to hear about a teacher’s experience in a different country. Please know that this is my personal experience and that even the other English teachers in my school would have written a completely different reflection. I would also like to acknowledge that I am grateful to even have a job during this time especially in a field I love! It just feels extra challenging as a person living abroad as an “essential worker”. Hopefully, with time things will become easier to handle or at least I’ll be able to write that I’m very adaptable on my next resume.
Peace & Love,
Anna
- Anna Goes Adventuring - 