Pandemic Profe: Life as a Teacher in the Pandemic

I’m writing this from bed, exhausted from the combination of the gloomy weather and my first week back at work. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t dreading Monday just a little. As most of you know, I’ve been teaching English abroad for three years now. The last two years I worked in the same school and taught the same students. So, naturally when the Comunidad de Madrid decided language assistants working in public schools could only stay for two years (at the end of my second year), I was a bit nervous. Now, that nervousness has multiplied ten times over.

Since the pandemic took over all our lives in March, I’ve been getting mixed messages. From my US generated media, it mostly seems like a fear-based blame game. This is direct departure from the Spanish ideology which is more like, “If we’re going down, we should have a good time doing it.” This has been a personal struggle for me. I felt and still feel caught in between the two. Both countries have handled things completely differently. We in Spain spent two months in our houses without the freedom to even go outside to walk. We enjoyed our summer. Everyone traveled around Spain to visit family or go to the beach. As a result of that, our numbers were rising and suddenly it’s time for la vuelta al cole (“back to school). Parents seem to agree that we can’t live in fear. Over the summer, I worked for a few different families which unanimously agreed that la vuelta al cole was necessary. Students need community and parents need to work. So, the schools opened.

I have now worked 4 full days as a profe (teacher) in the new normal. To be honest, it’s kind of horrible. Let me preface this summary by saying I love being a teacher, but I was not prepared for back to school after 6 months working from home. Some of this anxiety was due to the fact that I was in a new environment but most of it is due to the stress induced by trying to force schools open during a pandemic.

After my first day, I came home crying. I didn’t exactly feel welcomed in to the new school because the teacher’s were so preoccupied by trying to follow new protocol (social distancing, temperature checks, masks, etc.). The profession I love did not feel the same at all, and to top it all off, I have been placed in more a seemingly more risky environment than my peers. In Spain, students under 6 are not obligated to wear masks. So imagine my surprise (and horror) when I find out that I have not 1 but 6 different classes of students within that age range. As an English teacher, I move around to different classes. Normally, I wouldn’t mind, but during a pandemic it felt like a personal attack. The “Why me?” syndrome was kicking in. When bringing it up to someone in the school, they didn’t seem concerned. Their response was “Well, you can catch the virus anywhere.” The 7 months I have avoided the bars meant nothing, along with every other precaution I’ve taken in my personal life, suddenly felt meaningless. After that, I was wishing for everyone to be just a little more scared. My friends tried to reassure me that would be better the next day.

Day two was definitely better and I began reimagining what it means to be a teacher. In Spain, I have gotten used to the physical closeness that makes up such a large part of their culture. I felt uninspired and disconnected from my students by teaching that didn’t include physical displays of affection, encouragement, or at least proximity. The distance feels icy. Additionally, collaborative activities are basically impossible, which in current times seem to be the focal point of what constitutes “good” teaching.

As I write this, I’m staring down at a bruise on my arm, the remnants of a very nice Spanish nurse drawing my blood. On Wednesday, we were told that the next day we needed to report to an education center to have a mandatory Covid test done. They gave us a range of times that the test might be between and told us they would let us know tomorrow. Gotta love Spanish scheduling. So Thursday, after working, I had an appointment at 7 pm clear on the other end of Madrid. I was surprised by line, easily a few thousand people, and how swiftly it moved for there only being about 20 nurses drawing blood. I got my results back within 12 hours. Luckily, they were negative, although it doesn’t mean much after only working two days in the school.

Friday came and I felt really good about the classes I taught that day. I had a short day, so I came home to eat lunch. My phone buzzed and I saw I had some new messages from my coworkers. “Guys, they’re going to change everything again.” Class sizes have to be changed, which means: new student groupings, and using the gym as a classroom. My coworker said both our coordinator and the students were crying. In this moment, I stopped the self-pity party (only briefly). I realized how difficult this situation is not only for me but for everyone. I think in some way we can’t help being a little self-centered during these times. Everyone is overcome with the uncertainty and stress that comes with adapting to an unforeseen and never-before-seen global event.

If you think the story’s over there, it’s not. I turned on the news.

“Madrid confina a 850.000 habitantes en 37 zonas de 6 distritos y 8 municipios.”

(Madrid confines 850,000 habitants in 37 zones of 6 districts and 8 municipalities).

And yes, you guessed it! The neighborhood I work in is one of the confined neighborhoods! It doesn’t mean much since people can still travel for work and school. What it does mean is that I’m working in one of the neighborhoods with the highest case numbers in Madrid.

As for the rest of Madrid, publics parks are now closed and bars will close at 10pm. We can only meet in groups of up to 6 people, unless of course you are teaching! Then, you can have multiple groups of 20 students who aren’t wearing masks!

I don’t really have a resolution. I am so painfully aware that this entire post is me complaining about my life. I also just thought it would be interesting to hear about a teacher’s experience in a different country. Please know that this is my personal experience and that even the other English teachers in my school would have written a completely different reflection. I would also like to acknowledge that I am grateful to even have a job during this time especially in a field I love! It just feels extra challenging as a person living abroad as an “essential worker”. Hopefully, with time things will become easier to handle or at least I’ll be able to write that I’m very adaptable on my next resume.

Peace & Love,

Anna

Today I noticed… (Day 1)

Today I noticed that there’s no real way to say “never mind” in Spanish. This plagues me as a person who tends to change their mind every other waking minute of the day. My Spanish teacher once told me that words are created out of necessity. So, what does that say about Spanish speakers? Do they take the time to carefully plot out every word they say? Could be why they’re such slow texters.  What does that say about me and my constant need to edit and/or retract so many of my half-assed messages? Maybe it means  they’re unafraid. It could also mean that I’m over-afraid, stuck overanalyzing ten different ways my message might have been misconstrued.

Thank God for the erase button on WhatsApp. ¿Eliminar este mensaje?  That must be the closest thing to “never mind” here. Maybe, they just don’t mind? But, I mind. I always-mind.

¿Eliminar este mensaje? Yes, delete. Delete for me, them, and anyone else who might have laid eyes on it. Give me a chance to say it over and maybe, mean it this time.

Coron-tined

Well, what started as funny meme content has turned to real life all too quickly. Let me start with a quick timeline of events.

Monday, March 9, 2020: It was a normal day. I went to school and did my private after-school class before going to meet a new couple who wanted English lessons. We sat outside on a teraza, drinking and chatting about current events. At this point, the number of Covid-19 cases had been rising at an only mildly alarming rate. We talked about how schools we’re talking about closing, but nothing was sure yet. At the end of our hour long class, I checked my phone. “I have forty messages,” I told them. “So popular,” they joked. I called my friend Cath on my way to meet her for diner, “Are you already there?” I asked. I was running behind. “No, I’m just leaving. I was watching the news.” I didn’t think anything of it, until 5 minutes into our conversation she says, “Oh, you still don’t know…” Within the hour I was teaching, all schools in Madrid had been closed due to the virus. We were left with a series of questions and not a lot of answers. All we knew was the next day we were supposed to come in, and starting Wednesday the kids were staying home.

Tuesday, March 10,  2020: Tuesday was more-or-less normal. I still had to work. I finally called my mom to let her know what was going on. The week before I had received a text  from her asking me to come home for the next six months until everything blew over. I calmed her fears and my own, “Everyone’s overreacting,” until suddenly they’re not. I decided it was best to stay here and ride it out. The kids were a bit crazy, as any kid who was just gifted a so-called two-week vacation would be. The news was still saying that teachers had to come into work without the students, so I went.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020: We had basically been told that we would be able to work from home. So I marched into work, expecting to receive instructions on what I could do at home. Then an inspector called and said all teachers were still required to come into work. The teachers were angry and complained, rightfully so. Why would we need to expose ourselves to the germs in the school and public transport,  if we could do our jobs from home? In typical Spanish fashion, we all went to the bar across the street instead of working. By the end of the day and tons of back and forth, it was confirmed that we could stay home.

Thursday, March 12, 2020: On this day, I realized the situation was bad, but was still partially in denial. I woke up to 2,000 cases in our tiny country. I did my quarantine-shop just in case. I kept calling it “my last day of freedom”. My friends and I hung out in the park and went to dinner. When I got home, I saw the hashtag #yomequedoencasa (I’m staying home) going around. I knew this is where we were heading. The next morning, the number of cases was at 3,200. This changed everything.

And basically, all of this leads up till now. I’ve watched 3,000 changed to 4,000, 4,000 to 5,000, and now just a few days later, we’re just shy of 8,000. As of tomorrow, the government has told us we cannot leave the house for basically any reason except groceries or the hospital. Everything is closed. The streets are empty, and I’m home watching everything happening in Italy as a “What to Expect” manual because I know we are only footsteps behind them. I’m bored out of my mind and am positive that I will not be back at work on March 26th (our current expected return date).

Selfishly, I’m sad because the most beautiful time in Madrid will now be spent inside. I’m not even supposed to see my friends and I’m scared of how everything will affect my mental-health. I like to stay busy. I like to move around. I’m scared I’ll have to leave Spain if this continues. I’m scared of the global impact on the economy and my personal financial situation. Most English teachers in Madrid make a good percentage of their income from private classes. This is where my spending money comes from. Of course, all of those classes have been canceled, and luckily, I have nothing to spend money on from inside my house.  But, I am scared by the uncertainty it all brings. I was supposed to be working in Italy this summer, that now seems like a  pipe-dream. I just landed a job that was supposed to keep me in Madrid next year. I started training last week and now everything is halted.

In spite of my whiny rant, I want to say how lucky I am. Lucky, that I get to stay home unlike grocery workers, pharmacists, doctors, nurses, etc. Lucky, that my main job will pay me during this month. Lucky, to be stuck in the city I love more than anything. Lucky, that I’m in good health, and that nobody I know has been affected yet.

As for my American friends,  listen to what they’re advising. It seems like the are being more proactive (compared to Spain and Italy which have been reactive). It seems silly now, but social-distance yourself before it’s mandatory. Hopefully, you can avoid some of this craziness. It can happen faster than you think.

Wash your hands,

Anna

 

My First Week in Madrid

Time never slows down. Just over two weeks ago, I got on a plane and left from Korea to San Diego. Honestly, I was even more terrified leaving than I was upon my arrival the year before. I knew if leaving ended up being the wrong choice there was no way I could come back to Korea and be in the same position with my same students. It was truly one of the most heart breaking days of my life.

But, I got on the plane and went home for 5 short but fun days before starting this crazy expat journey all over again. Suddenly, I landed in a new city for the second time. For me, leaving home was 1000 times easier this time. Comparatively, moving to Spain seems a lot less difficult and so far it is.

Here’s a retelling of my first week:

So I step off the plane and head to the arrivals area where I’m supposed to see my ride, but I don’t. I looked up and down my terminal but couldn’t see anyone who looked like they were there for me. My plane landed late so at first I thought maybe they just left or knowing stereotypes of Spaniards maybe they hadn’t arrived yet. But after a complicated hour trying to connect to WiFi and contact the company it turned out to be all my fault as I had apparently told the company I would be in Terminal 2 not Terminal 1. Finally after about 2 hours, I found my ride and apologized profusely. I heard my first of many “No te preocupes (Don’t worry)” and he took me to my apartment.

I share my piso with 4 other people. Two are Spanish people from other parts of the country here for studying/ internships. One is a teacher from the states in a similar program to me. And 1 I’ve only ever said hola to and therefore am unsure of his nationality and reason for living here. It’s nice to have a big kitchen and a shower with walls around it (I will not miss the shower-attached-to-your-sink business from Korea). My room is basically a glorified walk-in-closet. It’s small but I don’t spend a ton of time in there anyway. I can’t complain because my apartment’s location is the true beauty of it. Just a 3 minute walk to one of the main train/metro stations and about 5 to Retiro Park. There are tons of shops, restaurants, museums and other beautiful buildings right outside my door.

Just one of many beautiful buildings in my neighborhood

On Monday, I started my crazy work schedule. It was great to have a few days off to just explore and feel at home here before the madness began. I have a daily commute to work which is not too bad. Since my location is very near to the train, heading to my school’s neighborhood takes about 30 minutes in total including walking time from the stations. We spent the week trying out classes from all grades before receiving our final schedules.

I’m happy to report I will be mostly in 5th grade this year. If you know me well, you know this is not the grade I would have asked for. Actually you can usually hear me talking about my strong aversion to this grade but I’m excited for the challenge. Nonetheless, I’m happy because I really like the Spanish-native English teacher of this class. She’s just a few years older than me and is also named Ana. I think we’re going to be a great team.

So far all the other staff I have met are sweet and I am mastering the Spanish two kiss greeting. We have a “snack” together every day at 12. Lunch here isn’t until 3 but the language assistants (me) leave at or before 2. Every day we have a spread of nice bread, meats, cheeses, coffee, and juice, which is lovely. I also don’t work on Fridays which is even lovely-er.

After that, I head home for an hour or two (depending on the day) before heading off again to my second commitment of the day which is a private tutoring job in the suburbs. It feels weird even calling it tutoring it’s mostly just playing in English. I have (two girls one 8 and one 6) who are completely opposite of each other in all ways including their English abilities. I really enjoy our time together and am glad to have met their family. They live in an apartment complex which feels like a small family. All the neighborhood kids already know me which has helped me pick up another tutoring job in the same complex.

Here’s a huge area full of trees inside the train station!

After I get home from that, it’s about 8:00 pm. This week I’ve been dead tired as soon as I walk in the door but I think a lot of that has to do with my lack of sleep and adjusting to a new schedule. I’m still getting the hang of the Spanish eating timetable but since I get home so late it makes it easier to eat dinner at that time.

I ended my workweek last night with a beer and some vegan sushi. I’m very excited for my first 3 day weekend here in Madrid. I even have a friend who I met in Korea coming to visit!

Hope you enjoyed!

Peace & Love,

Anna

Answering the Same Questions (One Year Later)

One year ago, I answered a list of questions to compare my life before and after living in Korea. Does moving to the other side of the world really change your life as much as you think it will? Just because you’re chasing a new opportunity, will you magically be happy all the time? These were my questions. Here are the results.

These questions were answered a few weeks ago. I have been formatting and editing this post since which is why some of the timing may not make sense for the present day/time.

1.Where are you right now? What are you doing?

Before: Currently, it’s 6:53 am. I am in San Diego sitting on the couch of the family I nanny for writing this blog post and drinking a venti iced coffee with soy milk.  I’m wearing a YMCA half zip sweatshirt, blue striped workout pants, two different socks, my hair in a bun, and zero make up.

Currently: It’s 10:20 pm on a Sunday night. I’m in Changwon, South Korea. I’m looking for places to live in Madrid (where I move in 2.5 months). I am wearing a grey T-shirt and underwear and that’s it. Also, not sure why I felt the need to mention what I was wearing in the past because it is not part of the question.

2. What does a day in your life look like?

Before: Right now, a day in my life is waking up at 5:30 am, running out the door to make it to work by 6 am, sitting on the couch until the girls wake up at 8:30, and doing nanny duties (such as cooking and going to the swimming pool) until about 4pm. I usually sit and talk with their mom for about 30 minutes before driving home and throwing together a dinner (last night was PB&J). Then, I sit in my bed and watch Youtube until I fall asleep around 9:30 and do it all over again. On the weekend, I typically wake up around 7 am, make myself banana protein pancakes with peanut butter, go to my parents’s house, play with my dogs, watch my brother’s basketball game, and then go home and watch Youtube.

I watch a lot of Youtube.

Currently: These days a normal day starts at 7:30 am. I get up and ready by 8:30. I usually grab a breakfast sandwich on my way to school. I start teaching at 9:10. I teach my kinder class until 2:30, then I teach elementary classes until 6:10 with some breaks in between. I get home by 6:40pm which gives me enough time to eat and relax before doing it all again. I still watch a lot of YouTube. I also started watching a lot of series on Netflix which I never did before.

(Currently obsessed with Orphan Black)

3. What is your relationships status? How do you feel about it?

Before: I am currently and newly single. At first it was easy, I was in Peru experiencing some of the most magnificent things of my life. Then, I came home to the apartment where we used to live together and it hurt. I very much still live in our space which I think is the hardest part. Some days the fog takes over and I start to forget why I ended things and essentially inflicted this horrifying pain on myself. Most days I am clear and feel good. Even when it hurts, I know I made the right decision for my life right now. I have been focusing on me and picking up old hobbies I used to work on before I got into a relationship. I am trying to focus on the present instead of past or future.

Currently: I am so extremely single. I am still learning a lot about myself some of which needs to be figured out before I get into a relationship again. I am not actively dating or seeking any relationship but am open to what the universe has planned for me. It doesn’t feel like the right time because of my move to Spain. I never dated in Korea because I could always see the expiration date. My life seems very transitional at the moment which doesn’t seem conducive to a relationship. Of course there are times I miss the comfort of a relationship, but most days I am happy with my freedom.

4. Are you happy?

 Before: Right now, I feel content. I have been feeling as if I’m living for the future which is to be expected because I’m moving across the world and can’t stop wondering what it will be like. I feel like I’ve been distracted and seeing this question has really caused me to think about it. I am grateful and blessed therefore in this moment I am happy. I think happiness fleeting; I am searching for joy and peace which I feel that I have.

Currently: I am happy, but it is happiness I didn’t expect. It is the same happiness I felt before. I think I expected everything to be new, different, and full of joy but the truth is after living in another country for a year you become accustomed to your surroundings. Even though it’s only been a short time, you quickly remember that this is your life and just because you’re thousands of miles away doesn’t mean you’re on vacation. I experience so much joy every day spending time with my students who are truly my best friends in Korea. I am happy but it is a familiar feeling.

5. What are your beliefs?

Before: The number one belief I hold right now is that everyone (the vast majority) of people are doing what they think is the right thing to do. What I mean by that is nobody is trying to hurt other people whether it be politically or personally everyone operates on their truths. Truth is subjective obviously. We create our truth and truths can change. It helps me to keep positive and respectful when dealing with others who may have differing truths from mine. Everyone is doing what they think is the best thing for their lives. The second belief I have, which goes hand and hand with the former, is the only thing we can control is our own feelings. We will never be able to control what happens to us or what others say or do. We can simply only control our reaction. It is a lifelong practice.

Currently: I believe people come in and out of our lives for a reason. People bring us joy; they teach us lessons. Don’t force staying where you are. Force growth and challenges that will bring you rewarding people are opportunities.

6. What are you most proud of in your life?

Before: I am most proud of myself. Over the past few years, I have done so many difficult things and grown so much. I have lost over 60 pounds, completely changed my mindset to a more positive one, created so much opportunity for myself, done uncomfortable things, spread more love, surrounded myself with a more positive peer group, and I WALKED ON FIRE. I just could have never seen my life where it is now. I am proud that I am learning to embrace change and fear.

Currently: I am proud of myself for persevering. I did a hard thing and I did it well. I am proud of myself for taking a risk and riding the waves of consequence that risk held for me. I saw many people who couldn’t do it and I’m happy that I did. I’m proud of myself for embracing and participating in a new culture, language, and lifestyle. I’m proud I didn’t quit when others did.

7. How do you picture your life a year from now?

Before: A year from I picture myself writing this in my studio apartment maybe on the 17th floor of a tall building, in the middle of a bustling city. I will have almost completed one year in Korea as a new teacher.  I will probably be exhausted but be sad at the thought of leaving my kids. I picture myself with new friends from around the world and possibly a new relationship. I think I will have committed to another year abroad. If not, I think I will be applying for graduate school for linguistics probably not in San Diego, maybe a different country altogether.

Currently: It’s so crazy to think how much in a year. Most of my predictions for this year were correct. I have so many new friends and am definitely dreading leaving my babies. By next year, I think I will have finished my new program in Spain. I think I will be applying for a Master’s program in Education/TEFL. It’s very possible that this could be abroad or an online program so I can travel.

8. What advice would you give yourself one year ago?

Before: Trust your instincts EVEN WHEN YOU DON’T WANT TO. EVEN WHEN IT’S THE SEEMINGLY HARDER CHOICE. You can fight so many things but not yourself. It is the most tiring battle. It will take more work to undo what you’ve done to yourself than doing what you are trying to avoid. Once it’s done you will feel peace, don’t delay that relief just to avoid pain. Trust yourself.

Currently: Don’t hold on to the past. Don’t hold on to people who aren’t on your side. Embrace the newness and know what’s coming is so amazing. You will make friends with people from all over the world and from all walks of life. Whenever one door, closes another opens.

9. What is the biggest thing you’ve learned in life to date?

Before: 1.That you have to work on yourself. If you don’t like something about yourself, you can change it.

2. If nothing ever changed, we would be just as unhappy.  In the past, I focused so much on trying to keep things the same because change scared me, but imagine if nothing ever changed. We would be so bored and probably more unhappy. It’s because happiness comes from growth, and growth comes with pain! They go hand in hand.

I just blew my own mind I think.

Currently: I still standby my previous comments but would like to add something. The biggest lesson I’ve learned this year is that you can’t run away from your problems. I have met so many people who came here to escape things from back home (partially including myself). The truth is your life is your life no matter where you go and although changing your surroundings can be helpful, you can not escape anything (especially in this day and age with the technology that connects us).  Although it may nice to have a break from certain people and places, overall you either carry your problems with you or create new ones in your new home. The most important thing you can do is feel your feelings. Don’t ignore what you’re going through.

10. What do you want to have achieved one year from now?

Before: In one year, I want to have stayed in Korea for one year. I know that seems repetitive and self-explanatory but what I really mean is: I don’t want to give up. I want to fight through the pain and the loneliness. In situations of fight or flight, I tend to be a flight-er. This time I want to be a fighter. I want to have seen many more countries, made new friends, successfully have taught my own class for the first time. I would also like to have kept up with this blog and really document my experiences!

Currently: I hope by this time next year I am a high level Spanish speaker. My profesional goal for Spain is to increase my language abilities. Personally, I would like to continue coming out of my shell. In Korea, I definitely said “eff it” a lot and was able to let my guard down. I felt pretty confident in my skin but I would like to embrace myself even more. I would like to say yes to as many opportunities and experiences as I can. I hope I will have seen at least 5 more countries!

11.Write the words you need to hear.

Before: Don’t fear failure. Fear being in the exact same place next year as you are today. Embrace uncertainty and change. Nothing will ever stay the same forever. Learn to roll with it. Take each day as it comes and be grateful for what it brings. Live one day at a time.

Que sera, sera!

Currently: Everything will happen in it’s right time. Focus on now. Take it one day at a time. We can’t predict the future or change the past. Opportunities will reveal themselves in due time. Also, crying is okay and know that the reason you are struggling is because saying goodbye to people you love so fiercely is daunting but be glad you even had the opportunity to spread and receive that kind of love.

Excited to see where I will go.

Peace & Love,

Anna